This candle is for that exact moment you realized his “emotional depth” was actually just undiagnosed chaos and Spotify playlists curated by trauma. The vibes? Immaculate. The reality? Unhinged.
🕯️ Scent Profile:
Top notes of “I thought he was intense, turns out it was untreated,” blended with sandalwood, regret, and expired therapy coupons.
Hint of lavender, to soothe the part of you that thought he journaled—he didn’t.🔥 Burn Time: 40 hours, aka more consistency than he ever gave.
“Made with Sarcasm. Not compatible with men who say ‘I’m just really complicated.’”
You thought he was a misunderstood poet, turns out he was just a walking DSM-5 entry. Light this candle. Reclaim your peace. And maybe get a therapist who charges less than your date nights used to.
Aroma’s Of Finding Out He Wasn’t Deep, Just Unmedicated
The No Contact Candle Covenant™ Scroll
A legally binding emotional cease-and-desist.Because sometimes the only thing stopping you from texting him is a beautifully dramatic parchment and the fear of disappointing your group chat.
This scroll is your official, notarized (by vibes) declaration of freedom from men who think a Spotify playlist counts as communication. Designed for ceremonial candle lighting, midnight sob-laughs, and spiritual boundary enforcement.
📜 Features:
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Affirmations that slap harder than his communication skills
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Hilariously specific “I will nots” (because someone had to say it)
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Signature section so you can commit with flair
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Witness box for your most judgmental and loyal best friend
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Perfect for framing, burning (if you must), or dramatically reading aloud while wearing sunglasses inside
🔥 Gift Box Bonus:
Tuck it inside with your candle of choice and watch your bestie ascend from heartbreak peasant to petty queen of peace.Light the wick. Sign the scroll. Block the boy.
We do not go back. Unless it’s for screenshots.-
